'Scandal': 5 Shockers That Should Warn Olivia & Co To Get Their Lives

Gladiators rejoice: “Scandal” is back on the air!

After an eight-week mid-season hiatus, the Shonda Rimes world of Washington, DC kept on turning last night with  season 3, episode 11  ”Ride, Sally Ride” which probably should’ve been titled “Run, Olivia, Run” after those threats from Papa Pope, but more on that later.

First let’s talk about how Olivia Pope totally got the “Claire Huxtable,  ’Cosby Show’ season 3 treatment” with well shot angles, smartly placed props (hello signature Prada bag!) and baggy clothes hiding Kerry Washington ’s baby bump.  Aww! 

Outside of that, not much has changed on the Hill, where our favorite characters spend so much time creeping and conniving it’s hard to imagine them getting any real work done. But there were plenty of major developments from last seasons’ story lines, that should serve as reminders to these characters to get their lives, least they find themselves losing them.  Here’s  what happened while Olivia (and arguably everyone in this episode) was, in the words of Papa Pope: “skipping around in a field full of bombs and mistaking them for daisies.”

1.  Sally “Snapped” Langston Is Trying To Ride The Crazy Train To The Polls 

In case you forgot that Vice President Sally Langston has lost her ever-loving mind, the episode quickly reminds that she’s completely delusional these days.

The episode starts out with Mellie running to Cyrus and breathlessly telling him “She’s…running,” spilling the audacious moves of the VP to split the ticket, leave the Republican party and run against her boss for President as an Independent. This is all while refusing to leave her post as vice president, and, you know, the aftermath of her covering up murdering her husband after she realized he was cheating on her with another man (Cyrus’ husband).

In her announcement, Sally tells the American people that she’s been a “witness to tyranny. I believe our Presidents moral corruption knows no bounds.”  Because literally stabbing your husband in the back is the pinnacle of morality and all…

A little birdie tips off a reporter to look into Sally’s husbands autopsy — that doesn’t exist — and Sally quickly blames “the devil” for her actions. “The devil murder my husband when he snuck inside me,” she said and then goes on to try to rationalize why she’s getting close to being found out.  In her world, that’s punishment for supporting abortion rights.

I lost count of how many times I wanted to shake her and say “girl you killed your man “Snapped”-style!” but why isn’t anyone telling her to lay low?

Anyway, the President responds by tapping his lieutenant governor in California, Andrew Nichols, to replace the Vice President spot.  Nichols is described as a “playboy” because that’s just what a President with a cheating scandal needs right now.  Clearly Grant needs advising on how to pick advisors and that becomes even more apparent after we learn a bit more about Nichols’ past…

Olivia and Fitz getting back together is starting to become something like an annoying gnat buzzing in our ears, or nails running down a chalkboard, or someone clicking a pen while you’re trying to hear yourself think (you get the picture), because really!?  But no matter how many times they get burned while messing around with each other they keep coming back to the fire.

We immediately learn that Olivia and Fitz are back at it like bunnies in the spring time when Mellie goes looking for POTUS and his “campaign manager” and then walks in on them mid-make out session.  Seriously, isn’t there a house in Vermont for all that?

Anyway at this point Mellie, who as you recall practically begged Oliva to work for Fitz again, could care less…..until Sally’s campaign advisor later resurrects the “Olitz” affair rumors on a major network while sounding off against one of Olivia’s Gladiators, Abby.  We know Mellie’s backward logic by now: as long as the public doesn’t know, the affair is tolerable, but as soon as it threatens Fitz’s presidential standing all bets are off!

Time for another ridiculous tactic….

The first lady invites Oliva to one of those fake ass lunches the ladies of “Real Housewives” keep forcing each other to go to: a meal completely set up for the cameras. After a few rounds of fake laughing over glasses of wine Mellie gets down to business and pulls out a list of “eligible bachelors” and tells Olivia to choose one.

It was sad to see that list barely hit one page (are there really no more eligible men in DC? Don’t answer that), but still, we have to assume that there were multiple names on that piece of paper. Still out of ALL the men in DC, Olivia ends up deciding to recycle the other man that she can’t seem to leave the hell alone already: Jake.  *eye roll*  This is who Fitz almost lost his ish over upon finding out Liv was seeing, but for some reason our Fixer thinks this is a good idea.

But enough about Olivia, Fitz and Jake. The real relationship gotcha gotcha of the episode was the alley-oop for Mellie to get her swerve on. Remember vice president hopeful/playboy  Andrew Nichols? Turns out he and Mellie have a past that ended in her being “the one that got away.” He’s been waiting to be near her for 12 years and now that he’s got his chance, it’s only a matter of time before they’re breathlessly throwing all the papers and supplies off a desk and getting it on too.  We remember how much she was flirting with Sally’s husband before he turned out to be on the DL!